#dothebravethingscared

I want to tell you everything is hard. Except that’s a lie. And it’s also comparatively, an incredibly privileged statement. Hard like fleeing from ISIS? Hard like being a sex slave? Hard like watching my children starve?

No.

Instead I will tell you everything feels harder here in Miami. Heavy, like morning fog that just won’t lift. Harder in subtle I-can’t-understand-what-you’re-saying ways. In I-can’t-go-anywhere-without-GPS ways. In why-is-parking-so-damn-expensive ways.

#dothebravethingscared

I try to focus on the good things, they are a’plenty after all. But my thoughts quickly drift to a wasteland of unknowns…

 

Where will we live at the end of this month?
Will our home loan fall through? (It did.)
What if it doesn’t fall through and we actually buy a house?
What does our future look like?
Is our van going to die soon?
How are we going to afford Christmas presents?
Will we adopt again?
Can we get a dog? (We did.)
What color will our bedroom be?
What if William doesn’t like the same colors I do?

 

 
Suddenly I am sure of ZERO things.

 

Friends, I want you to know I’m scared. I want you to know it because I’ve vowed to be a truth-teller in this space, but I also want you to know it because there is power in our “me toos.”

 

Maybe you can relate?

 

I’m scared of having a mortgage.
I’m scared of the permanency of buying a house in an at-risk neighborhood.
I’m scared for my family’s safety.
I’m scared God won’t provide.
I’m scared God won’t provide the way I want him to.
I’m scared the kids in our neighborhood will negatively influence my young kids.
I’m scared my husband won’t like the colors I picked for our house.
I’m scared our neighborhood will gentrify.
I’m scared our friends will move to Ethiopia.
I’m scared the moms in our neighborhood will find me unrelatable because I have the privilege of homeschooling. And a hundred other privileges they don’t have…

 

Most “brave” things people point to in my past haven’t felt brave at all – most times I felt scared. I just did brave things scared.

 

I suppose there are some truly brave people out there, but I think most brave people are a lot like me… They just do the brave thing scared. And that’s ok.

 

Maybe your brave thing is flying across the ocean to bring a child into your family. Or maybe it’s walking across the room to embrace the one you’ve already been given.

 

Maybe your brave thing is moving across the ocean to love people who don’t look like you. Or maybe it’s walking across the street to love your neighbor.

 

Maybe your brave thing is being single beyond the age you expected to be. Or maybe it’s loving your lost husband.

 

Maybe your brave thing is showing up every. day. to the life God’s given you when it’s not the story you would’ve written.

 

Whatever your brave thing is today – I am standing with you – trusting the fog will lift for us all, to reveal a vast sisterhood choosing to #dothebravethingscared and pouring out our “me toos” on the altar of solidarity.

 

What is your brave thing? Let’s cheer each other on in the comments, remember there is power in our “me toos.”

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6 Comments

  1. Angie T. December 13, 2015

    Thank you Lindsy so much for your honesty and transparency. I have too have lots of things I seem to wrestle with constantly.
    I am scared our adoption will never happen and we will look foolish for waiting for six years.
    I am scared that if I continue to follow the Lord things will always be hard and painful and challenging.
    I am scared of the next thing the Lord might ask me to surrender.
    I am often scared that my kids are going to be drawn away and enticed by the world.

    I am so thankful that Jesus is so much bigger than our fears but it is often so challenging to get that truth from my head to my heart when my circumstances are screaming something else. I need so much more grace. Standing with you to keep standing with courage and hope in our God.

    Reply
    • Lindsy Wallace December 14, 2015

      Yes Angie! It’s a real struggle to get those truths from our heads to our hearts! I was meditating on Philippians 4:6-7 yesterday and realized, the point of presenting our requests to God (with prayer and petition and thanksgiving) is NOT so that He grants us our request. It’s SO THAT we get His peace (which will guard our hearts and minds). So very opposite of my approach to prayer so often!

      Reply
  2. Meg Ruhl December 14, 2015

    I feel like your “groupie” with always writing comments, ha! But in a way, I’m ok with that. I love following your truth telling, heart wrenching, gospel preaching posts. This one had me flat out in tears. I moved from a little ol town in Illinois to Orange County when I was 13 and it sent me spinning. We went from a very comfortable house in a small community, to a poor housing apartment in a very wealthy, fast paced, “beautiful people” culture and I felt lost. My dad gave up his job to train to be a pastor and my mom was ill with chronic migraines and couldn’t work. God is faithful, I told myself I’d leave so many times, but here I am 16 yrs later…married, we bought a house and I’m raising my two boys. Sometimes the culture still shocks me but I also now see the incredible blessings too.
    Today I feel scared in my role of motherhood. It’s not what I thought it would look like and I’m not the mother I thought I would be. My children are the greatest gifts I’ve been given. It’s just a whole lot harder than I imagined. But it’s a whole lot better too….
    Praying for you! Isaiah 41:13
    “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you”.

    Reply
    • Lindsy Wallace December 16, 2015

      Ha Meg! You are one of the reasons I haven’t taken the comments off my blog! 😉 I’m thankful to be able to interact with you here!

      Wow – yes, your experience sounds similar and like a definite culture shock! How funny of God to keep you there still.

      And I can TOTALLY relate to your fear of motherhood! Yes, yes, yes.

      Thank you for your prayers!

      Reply
  3. Susan McKellep July 14, 2016

    My list of what I’m scared of has gotten so much longer lately.

    I’m scared my breast cancer will kill me.

    I’m scared the chemo will kill me if the cancer doesn’t.

    I’m scared of not doing enough to make this world a better place, and scared I won’t have the time or energy to do more.

    I’m scared I’ll look really ugly bald.

    I’m scared one of my dogs is going to bite Jane because she’s a persistent toddler and they’re dogs that would never pass a behavior evaluation.

    I’m scared of how hard getting well is going to be.

    I’m scared that the fact that nearly all my friends are white makes me an unworthy ally.

    Still. I’m showing up. That’s brave enough for today, right?

    xo

    Reply
    • Lindsy Wallace July 18, 2016

      It absolutely is Susan! I think something about speaking our fears out loud (or typing them;-) disarms the fear itself and helps us to face it. I hope that is the case for you. Praying for your fears!

      Reply

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