Eight. That’s the number of times I have scrubbed our toilets in the last two and a half weeks. No doubt a world record in this house.
We have two toilets which means I have scrubbed 16 toilets in barely as many days. The first dozen or so times, I prayed as I scrubbed, “Lord, please let these people buy our house. Let this be the last time I have to clean this house. My feet hurt. I’m exhausted. I don’t know how many more times we can do this. Please just let these people be The. People.”
But, they weren’t. And in addition to wanting to gouge my eyes out with a toilet bowl brush, I began to feel a tug from the Lord, reminding me of what I’ve sensed all along – I have no need to be anxious about the houses on either end of this 1,000 mile move. He’s got it. He’ll send a buyer to us when He determines we are ready for Miami and He’ll open up the perfect house for our family there – on His hand-picked street, with hand-picked neighbors – when we need it.
The funny thing about tension is, sometimes you have to lean into it to feel secure. It’s exactly the tension in a slackline that allows you to move from point A to point B. That’s a lesson I’ve been avoiding for the last month or so. Which, by the way, avoiding lessons from God is a laughable endeavor. Kinda like when my three year old “hides” by covering her eyes with her hands…
Yeah Lord, I know you’ve been telling me all along not to worry about this, but that feels a little weird, a little arrogant, a little like I wouldn’t have anything else to do but, I don’t know, TRUST IN YOU. So, I’ma go ahead and pray like you haven’t told me to cool it all along and act like a maniac everytime we have a showing. If you could just hurry up and bring The Buyers already, that would fit in with my We’re Moving in October timeline, MK?
I’m often tricked into thinking confirmation from the Lord will come in the way of His timing matching up perfectly with mine. The Lord will have gotten my Google Calendar invite and respond with “Yes, Child, I will be there because you have impeccable planning and timing skills.”
But often, He doesn’t. And actually, that has happened zero times.
What does it look like to lean into the tension of trusting God in the midst of the unknown? You guys, I’m still figuring that out. I’m still trying to reset my expectations, reset my prayers, and reset my everyday-living-life to reflect my trust in Him. It started at the toilets. Instead of praying for This and Now and what I think my preferences are, my prayers are more along the lines of, Lord, help me trust fully in your goodness and your timing. Help me lean into the tension of trusting you, knowing you know what I want and what my family needs. Help me enjoy this season, these days, these people and this city. Amen.